First - Officer.. Officer...,
The phone on my table rings, as it does almost every five minutes, and I am told by our front desk executive - that a certain Income tax inspector wanted to meet me. I enquire what he wanted, knowing fully well the reply I would get - that he wouldn't tell and would meet only the director of the company. So I walk down to meet him.
We settle down in a cabin. He asks "Where is your company's bank account?" (I assumed that he meant in which bank) - He gets the answer - idbi bank. He enquires - "and your personal account" (I was about to demand his id card but thought better) and replied - "Same bank". He suddenly changes track getting more friendly - "well main yeh sab bateen karne nahi aya (I'm not here to talk about all these) apse ek kaam tha" He pulls out a reciept of a student who had booked a seat in one of the forthcoming batches in our training institute and says - "Yeh ek paan wale ki bacchi hai - ise 50% discount kar dijiye (She is the daughter of a paan wala. Give her a 50% discount)". I was taken aback at the bkuntness of the process to say the least.
I quickly recover and suggest to him that 50% is a very high figure. He is no mood to listen to my explanations of why. He fires - "Dekhiye mein to aapse kisi aur tarah se baat karne hi nahi aaya tha? Aapke area ka kaam mein hi dekhta hoon. Itni chooti si request hai" (See I did not come to you to use my influence. Your area is under my scrutiny in the dept. Its a small request)...................................
Second - for a mere .....,
I am driving back home after a hard (really) day's work and am enjoying Jagjit's voice over the car stereo looking forward to a round of chess with my recently retired dad. A police man on a bike (Khakhi Dress with two red stripes on his side) interrupts me and asks me to take my car to the side of the road. I comply, get out of the car and ask what the matter was. He instructs - "Car mein baithe jaiye. (Please sit in the car)" I did. He followed - in the seat next to mine.
He says "Bhai Saheb!! Gaadi kaise chala rahe hai" (Mr. Look at the way you are driving?). I was a little surprised and retorts "Kyon (what happemed)" He tells me that I was talking on my mobile and that i was not using the seat belt. I retorted - "No, I was not talking on my mobile". He ignored my retorts and said - "Aap behka nahi sakte - Palasia par latest machine lagi hai - aapka picture aa gaya hai mobile par baat karte hue. Drive chal rahi hai - hamari puri team baithi hui hai (You cannot dodge. At palasia we have a machine which taken your picture talking on mobile. There is a drive on- an entire team is present)" Now I felt a little irked.
(yeah !! Someone telling me that Indore traffic police has smartened up and has put surveillance equipments - wow!! - that provides wrong information. Am I such a dumbo by face --- really....)
However, I wanted to get rid of him - I said "Sorry". He immediately softened up and to my utter - complete - unbelievable surprise - said smilingly - "Theek Hai !! Jo aap ki iccha ho kar do. (Give whatever you wish to)" Not that I was not anticipating his tactics to generate some underhand income - but even for me - it was too blunt an approach....... and I was now angry.
I replied - "Why". He smiled (his consistent smile that of a salesman talking to his prospective customer was too much for me to take - but he was police... right) - "Bhai saheb - Chitti to 350-400 rupeye ki banegi (I cannot translate that - all he means is that if I choose to be leagally charged for the alleged breaking of rule - it will amount to at least 350-400 rs.). I said but what gets charged for not using the seat belt is Rs. 100. Pet comes the reply "Par aap mobile par baat bhi to kar rahe the (But you were talking on your mobile too)" I retorted - I have not talked on my cell for the last hour. He says "Aapka photo aa gaya hai (You have been photographed talking on the phone)" I challenged him to show the photograph to me. Reply - "Woh aapko thodi dikhayege (That will not be shown to you)". I was now red with anger and asked him flat - "Aapki team baithi hai na - usme magistrate bhi to hoge. Unhe to dikhayege. Chaliye mujhe unse mila dijiye (Your team is sitting there. Isn't it? There must be a magistrate in the team. You will atleast show the photograph to him. Take me to him."
Now he changed gears yet again. "Aap kyon baat ko itna bada rahe hai? Ham to din raat chourahe par khade rehte hai. Kabhi aap aap phas gaye to aapki help hi karege. Jo bhi aap ku marji ho de dijiye. (Why do you want to go to that extent. I generally stand on these squares. If you get caught somewhere - I will help you. just give whatever you feel like).......... Bribes are now begged for....
Third - Babu-dom-dum
After a hard days work I decided its time to get back to home early and walked down the steps of my office - and I noticed a chauffeur ambassador with a yellow light on top entering the gate. The gentleman on the backside of the car had a wireless in his hand and he got down from the car as if he is there for an official purpose. He approached me and said in an almost derogatory manner - "Kyon kaun hai yeha ke Director - jara unse kaho nagar nigam se Mr. X aaye hai. (Who is the Director of this place. Tell him Mr. X from Nagar Nigam has arrived).
I tell him that I am the person he is looking for. He suddenly waters down (and I wonder - do I not look the grade) and says "Mein X Nagar Nigam ka removal officer - aapka area mere under mein hi aata hai. (I am mr. X - removal officer from Nagar Nigam. Your area falls under my jurisdiction)" I enquire as to what he wanted. He assures me "Are mein yeha nagar nigam ke kaam se nahi aaya (Oh !! I am not here for official work). Actually my son wanted to join your institue, so I thought I will meet you once. Free mein nahi hoga - bas jo bhi discount aap karte hai woh de dejiye (Don't give it free - just provide discount)" Artfully he adds - "nagar nigam mein kuch kaam ho to bataiyega (Tell me about any work you need done in nagar nigam)".....................
What does one say except repeat the title of this post - Yeh kya ho raha hai ?? Whats happening? Why me?